俺達は金魚を飼っていて、あいつらは、分厚いカーテンが掛けられた、
居間の窓近くに置かれた、テーブルの上の金魚鉢の中で、クルクル回っていた。そして、
俺の母親、いつも微笑んでいる、は、俺達にいつもハッピーでいろって言って、
俺に、「ハッピーでいなさいよ、ヘンリー」と言った。
彼女は正しかったよ。幸せでいられるんなら、それに越したことはないよ。
だけど、俺の父親は、188センチの自分の体の中で、何に襲われていたのかを、
理解することができず、週2回か、3回、彼女を殴りつづけた。
俺の母親、かわいそうな魚、
は、幸せになりたかった。週2回か、3回殴られても。
俺に幸せでいろって言った。「ヘンリー、ニッコリしなさいよ！
なんで、あんた、ちっとも笑わないの？」
そして、彼女は俺にほほえんだ。俺に、どうすればいいか教えようとして。
それは、今まで見た中で、一番悲しい、ほほえみだった。
ある日、金魚が死んだ。五匹全部。水に浮かんでて、横向けになっていて、
まだ目が開いてた。
そして、俺の父親が、台所の床の上で、猫に、あいつらを投げたのを、
俺達は見ていた。俺の母親が、ほほえんだように。
A Smile To Remember
we had goldfish and they circled around and around
in the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
covering the picture window and
my mother, always smiling, wanting us all
to be happy, told me, 'be happy Henry!'
and she was right: it's better to be happy if you
can
but my father continued to beat her and me several times a week while
raging inside his 6-foot-two frame because he couldn't
understand what was attacking him from within.
my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: 'Henry, smile!
why don't you ever smile?'
and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw
one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled
in the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
covering the picture window and
my mother, always smiling, wanting us all
to be happy, told me, 'be happy Henry!'
and she was right: it's better to be happy if you
can
but my father continued to beat her and me several times a week while
raging inside his 6-foot-two frame because he couldn't
understand what was attacking him from within.
my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: 'Henry, smile!
why don't you ever smile?'
and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw
one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled
Charles Bukowski
